It’s an unenviable, yet inevitable position in which nearly all quantitative scientists will find themselves at least once: Being overcommitted in work and/or life, and needing to say “no” to a project. (If you’re one of the folks who has never been in this situation, I would love to chat with you!). We’re almost always available in our various digital spaces through the different apps we have on our phones, the constant pinging of notifications, and the endless stream of emails asking “Just a quick question…” that never actually is. Simultaneously, we have this expectation—undeserved and unrealistic, in many ways—that we must accept every request, answer every question, read every email, and respond to every notification as soon as is humanly possible. But the operative word in that phrase is “humanly”.
We often interpret this phrase “humanly possible” as meaning that “if it is physically possible for me to do it, I must”. This isn’t true, though! In operating under that assumption, we miss the “human” part. Sure, things are possible all the time, but the fact is that humans have limitations. We are not automatons. We have jobs, sure, but that’s but one aspect of our lives. More often than not, when a collaborator reaches out saying they were unable to make their edits on a manuscript on the schedule they initially planned and stated, it was due to their needing to stay awake all night with a sick child or change a flat tire or take care of an elderly relative. My response? “No worries; life happens!” And that’s just it, isn’t it? Life is the thing that happens whenever it pleases, not when our Outlook calendars have dictated we have a free hour.
Maybe you do have a free hour. Maybe that manuscript you had the next three days earmarked to work on never made its way into your inbox. Do you really have a free three days? You probably have other things to work on, but that doesn’t mean you should take on a new project. It certainly doesn’t mean that you must take on a new project. Maybe those three days are just the break you needed to actually catch up on other tasks. It doesn’t mean you’re not overcommitted, it just means that you can probably sleep a little better tonight and stress a little less about work tomorrow.
The week before Thanksgiving 2025, a collaborator I rather enjoy working with sent me a meeting invite during a time I couldn’t make, so I rejected it and stated I was unavailable at that time. This same collaborator then sent a meeting invite for an hour later on that same day. Being the end of the year, I am ordinarily pressed on time, but this year was exceptionally busy. So, I responded the only way I could: “As much as I would love to chat about a project, new or existing, I’m horrendously overcommitted right now and do not have the capacity to take on any projects that aren’t on my immediate docket. Can we revisit this in late January?” The response was positive and appreciative for the level of candor and transparency I offered in my rejection.
It feels like you’re letting someone down if you don’t constantly say “yes” or jump for every request or “quick question”, but sometimes it’s simply not reasonable. And just because something is “possible”, doesn’t mean that it’s “humanly possible.” An automaton doesn’t have a life, but you do. An automaton doesn’t need sleep or food or even just a nice hour to sit on the couch and do nothing, but you do. So do your collaborators. So does your supervisor. Sometimes, it’s okay to say “no”.